Up & Rising

Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone 

She said somedays I feel like shit
Somedays I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit
I don't understand why you have to always be gone
I get along but your trips always feel so long
And I find myself trying to stay by the phone
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone
But I feel like an idiot, working my day around a call
And when I pick up I don't have much to say, so 

I want you to know its a little fucked up that
I'm stuck here waiting, at times debatin
Telling you that I've had it with you and your career
Me and the rest of the family here singing 

Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Please Come back home 

You know, the place where you used to live
Used to barbeque with burgers and ribs
Used to have a little party every halloween
with candy by the pile but now
you only stop by every once in a while
Shit
I find myself just filling my time
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind
I'm doing fine and I'm plannin' to keep it that way
You can call me if you find that you have something to say
And I'll tell you 

I want you to know its a little fucked up that
I'm stuck here waiting, at times debating
Telling you that I've had it with you and your career
Me and the rest of the family here singing 

Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Please Come back home 

I want you to know its a little fucked up that
I'm stuck here waiting, no longer debatin'
Tired of sittin and hatin' and making these excuses
For why you're not around, and feeling sorta useless
It seems that one thing has been true all along
You don't really know what you've got till its gone
I guess I've had it with you and your career
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it 

Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Please Come back home 

Please come back home
Please come back home
Please come back home
Please come back home

i always feel that mulling/crying over lost love is an undeserving, unnecessary process, almost close to ludicrously silly process. most probably one that only the weak would do.

now that i’m on the verge of it, i’m revising that mindset of mine.

it’s mulling excessively over lost love, that’s crazy.

just 6 more days and my life will most probably take a 360 degrees turn.

it’s like re-shuffling.

packing and unpacking.

keeping and chucking.

For this flights of stairs up; i’m packing up my previous happy moments , chuckin the not-so-happy (,but re-shelving the trying, yet meaningful and challenging ones), chuckin the ’things to cry about’

, for this flights of stairs up.

physically u arent here anymore, but i’m re-shelvin u, for hopes that u will relinquish that that i set aside for you. but for my happiness(oh-how-ironic) and sanity,

you’ll be shelved.

1. love
2. the notion: a degree is JUST a degree

Any conversation that contains the following words: visa, singapore, oz

will always end up in disappointment.

 i’ll just go along with the waves of hopes, disappointment, positivity, chances, opportunities, wishes, and luck.

 i’ll see which will pull through.

i thought i shld write about my aussie experience. To remind myself on the later years of my life in brisbane.

Somehow, I cant bring myself to  reflect back, to pluck up my brissie memories from my brains. If I really write the wonderful moments down, the now will be true.

Now, I am out of brissie. 

brissie life will be officially termed as memories, experiences that are packed into the back of my brains. The past. The present, and seemingly  the near future dun seems to have brissie checked in.

I cant bring myself to write about my brissie life.

all i cld rem is, i felt speechless when i arrived in SG. Talkin feels difficult, requiring energy that I do not have. Articulating my emotions feel difficult too. IT’s like a part of me is gone, or misplaced. Seems like I left it in aussie.

all i know i shld do now is, unpacking. unpacking. unpacking. every shirt and particle i put away says; this is it.

welcome home.

i was surprised at how fast my tone fell.

and even more,

on how i changed it to a total neutral tone.

i should have already known that words from you guys dun mean anything. only the actual actions are.
a good fren of mine, or i say my psuedo. and he’s definitely going to read this! lol.

we were commenting on how we thought of each other. and this was what he said!:

“i always thought tt u r this cool cucumber who keeps things to urself most of the time“, and

“yet a very factual person and pretty much down to earth wif things“, AND, the sweetest thing that a friend could say,

“but no matter wat, i still love u the way u r lah” (’lah’ was cancelled cuz it makes the sentence insincere,lol!)

seriously, i wasnt upset about this, instead, of all emotions that i could ’summon’, i’m pretty proud of myself.

on a side note, i love all my friends, and everyone i hang out with. it’s because i love you guys as who you are, that i hang out with you. i admit that sometimes i do criticise some of you, though not most of you, but that’s because i love and care for you guys, and i accept that part of all of you.

i am not one of those who hangs out with you and go ard tellin people that i dun like you. but on the front, tells  you how much i adore the way to do things, or praise you, like as if i treat you as a friend
even though i’m VERY young. but my experiences and also my media consumption(hehe) have taught me that, reliant on emotions will just make you fall deeper.

of cuz i get upset on things, but moving on is inevitable and necessity.

who is there to save myself, except me?

when u ask them to jumble up the questions for validity checking. They did not.

apologies to those who did the survey. the entire survey is stupid.

i shld have checked.